she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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