I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
