Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
