giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
