I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
