After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
