My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
