clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
