First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
