Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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