I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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