i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
