i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
