Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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