i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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