They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
