Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
