You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
