turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
