btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
