is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
