grandma shit on top of the toilet
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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