My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
