i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
