hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
