C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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