Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
