just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
