He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
