Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
