i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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