My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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