I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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