at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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