the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
