No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
