Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
