he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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