No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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