so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
