You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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