I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
