Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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