yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
