East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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