he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
