Already got asked if we're dating
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
