I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
