Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
