i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
